How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
