people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
not ubering you a puppy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize