come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
