it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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