I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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