I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
