Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
