Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
