i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
