we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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