Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
