The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
