Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
