ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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