oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
