It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize