Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
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I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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