I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
