apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
