my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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