if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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