How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
