oh god the rape fog is back!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
