what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
