I wish my penis had an off switch
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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