Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
