no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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