I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
