Who did Billy Mays play for?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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