yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
