hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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