Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Less talking, more tequila
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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