Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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