Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize