Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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