i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
