just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
