if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
