Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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