I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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