Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize