All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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