is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
