I have demons in me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's rum buckets o'clock
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
