and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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