she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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