You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
