Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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