Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
