some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
