Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
