I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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