Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
