i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
