people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
