Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
only if we run a train.
done.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
