"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
