I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
