is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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