Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
