Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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