Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
