So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
