I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
