Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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