She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
