so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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