my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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