I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
