What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
