Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
