I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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