Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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