So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
