My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
